One of the reasons why I am going back to school full-time is to quit my full-time job. I have always fallen into sales, the way of my personality and the accumulation of my circumstances. However, after taking a battery of post secondary classes to foster this, working my way up company ladders, and reaching my goal of being a regional, I decided that all this was no longer for me and I wanted to change.
This took me into the world of logistics and operations, and from there led me to my current position as an outside sales associate. In truth, I did not think I would or could ever do such a position that required me to outreach and follow leads to make sales for commission. However, fast forward a year into it, I am finding elements of the job that I like and believe I am doing well for myself.
However, once again, I feel that I have plateaued and can no longer see myself in this position for years to come, nor do I want to call this my career. Not only is the work, not gratifying, but I have been disheartened by the people who run the company. Without revealing too much, this is a small family owned company where old school business practice of schmoozing and wining and dining is prevalent and highly encouraged. The environment almost feels fake as meetings are centred around the coaching of these techniques that feel like we are manipulating people instead of offering them what is best. Mind you, this is all tied together in a more presentable bow and I do not behave in such a manner. But as an empath I cannot help but distrust the atmosphere and this air that is heavy with insincerity.
Thankfully, during this journey, I have faith, trust and belief in my God. I have always been lucky and now I know it is just being blessed. He has always directed me to where I needed to be, and has always heard my pleas and granted me what I needed to continue and be happy.
As such, I have always transitioned workplace to workplace, position to career, always at the right timing for the easiest and smoothest trajectory. This situation is no different.
I have been presented with the opportunity and the ability to go back to school, and this is the first time the calling was there and the motivation is strong. The need to move forward with no option to look back, plus the desire to do more with my gifts, in the field of my passion.
I best described this as living a life where I’ve always sought out the approval of my parents and/or my bosses. I work towards earning their praises and winning their favour, and for once I’ve made this decision for myself looking to what I want to do for the rest of my life.
This is a genuine account, and my heart‘s truth that I laid bare before my friends, coworkers, and even the owner of the company, whom at the time I was still employed with. All my friends and majority of the people who care for me have been supportive of this decisions, believing higher education is a good thing, saying they cannot fault me for wanting more for myself. All, except for the boss/owner, despite sharing my positivity and truth, he went on to make the conversation about himself, his company, and what he needs.
He asked me to stay for a few more months citing they needed the sales and even had to nerve to see if I could delay the start of school. He even mentioned that his investment in me is finally paying off and I am leaving. It felt like a guilt trip, and I did not take the bait.
In this and other circumstances he has proven to me that he does not care about me as a person, and I am but a tool, an end to his means. This was the eye opening proof that I needed to move away and cut all ties.
In the past, I made a joke of how I wanted to spend my time at work, and he declared that he owned my time and me during that time because he pays me for it. Although indirectly a true statement, but horribly an un-motivating one when presented like that.
Recently he has leaned into his dictatorship. He posted a note on the thermostat declaring no one is to touch it. And had a Director send on an email advising employees to not use the microwave as what you heat up can lead to a smell that could be “distracting for other employees”.
Both actions show little care and well-being for the employees, who actually frequent the workplace. The rules are just for him, who sees the least amount of time in the office, as he is always away on holiday.
The microwave rule was the final straw and the most devastating for me. I use to come to work hungry, after my week day early morning workouts. So I look forward to getting into work, microwaving my hearty breakfast of leftovers, and enjoying a full belly before a productive day. However, this simple joy has been removed from my life after I brought in a combination of Chinese and Filipino potluck leftovers for breakfast, one day and frozen dim sum the next.
The first fraction had my direct supervisor telling me to “not bring smelly foods into work” as it may “gross people out”.
The second infraction of dim sum had me losing microwave privileges for the entire office. Weeks went by with no one daring to touch it, but everyone agree my food did not smell bad, and that the rule is unjust.
Almost a month later, a couple of employees started using the microwave again. However, I dared not to, and instead have found ways to cook and heat up my food in my office. A warm meal served out of a rice cooker, heated water cooler, and even electric kettle. I could not see myself doing this daily, month after month, and was even more determined to quit.
Especially after seeing employees using the microwave once more. Non-ethic employees heating up their not ethic food with no complaints. I cannot help, but feel bullied that my ethnic meals were being targeted.
However, aside from the toxic workplace, there was plenty of good to my job. A couple of great coworkers, the ability to work independently; and the joy I got from visiting different workplaces: talking to different people and playing with their office pets. However, this was not enough to keep me employed and I eventually gave my notice. Two weeks before the start of my full-time program with a couple of days before to set myself up in the right mind space headspace, and to clean up my actual space.
The owner of the company did eventually offer me a part-time position, which I did consider, as my student loan didn’t cover the full extent of me being away from the workforce. And I would eventually need to find part-time work, so that I can continue living independently, on my own and studying in an environment that would be the most successful for my cause. So for brief second I thought this would be easier than looking for and applying for a new job, as I was already comfortable with the staff and had some knowledge in the work that would need to be done.
However, once again the presentation of the position was ill received. I asked for some leeway and suggested a pause from employment, so that I could get a feel of what full-time studies was like, admitting I have not been in school for decades. I asked for the ability to get my bearings and create a routine before I added more onto my plate. However, the boss refused, presenting me with an ultimatum that if I wanted this opportunity I had to take it by the end of the weekend. This he said was due to the need to have me trained and to give me an opportunity to ask questions in my last two weeks, before he departed for his vacation.
Once again the lack of sympathy, and the attempt to corner me, showed me that he didn’t care about me as a person. I want to work for someone who cares, or be one that does care.
Despite the meagre wages, I still considered his offer, but I did not like how he was bullying me to make a decision. It was upon reflection and the curating of a pros and cons list did they uncover my true feelings. Although my interactions with him would be minimal, I could not stomach the thought of working for him any longer, and helping to promote and build up his business knowing of the kind of person he is. There was too much yes men behaviour from the staff, and too much unnecessary posturing for me to be apart of.
I was done and decided I needed a fresh start and to distance myself. So I came in Monday morning and declined the offer.
Once again, I thank my God for directing and steering my life with such poise and timing, that I will be starting my new journey towards a promising future and leaving this dark past behind. The only memory would be this account that I write and post to help cleanse my soul. I come out of this learning a valuable lesson of morale and culture. That money and the work itself is not worth everything and cannot stand alone. (Although I really wasn’t being paid enough for the output I was delivering.) That you need to believe in and be proud of what you do and who you represent. Align yourself with who you want to emulate.
