The next step was enrolling in school. I am an impulsive person when my mind is set and I have a goal. I am laser focused. Outside of that, if the wind blows a different direction, I can change my whole outlook. What I thought was once a personality pitfall, I’ve only recently realize was a symptom of ADHD.
Growing up, I thought I had this affliction and have lived with it issue-free for most of my life; never thinking anything of it. I eventually learned to love myself, and that this was just a side to that. However, with the thought of school and the need to study and focus, it was suggested to me by my counsellor that I should look in to the medication. She has mentioned it a handful of times, suggesting its benefits. And on each occasion I refuted it, stating I love who I was and my personality, so did not want to dilute that with unnecessary drugs.
However, just like I never thought I would go back to school, nor did I think I could. I am now at that place where I think I should. It is one thing to be told what to do to it for someone else, it is another thing to be your own driving force. And for the first time in my life, I want this and additional education for myself.
In hindsight, I wish I was diagnosed as a child, just to have the record. However, in Asian culture, and especially in the decades past, mental well-being and health was not on anyone’s radar. It was not a concern and not some thing that needed to be medicated. It was just a thought, an ideal, or personality trait that needed to be overcome through grit and sheer will.
Where others take on tasks easily and complete them timely, my brain turns but does not move. It takes me longer to complete something that I am not interested in, if at all. And for the topics that I am, it needs to be the right time, place, and mindset for me to be able to latch on. So now recognizing these extra hurdles I need to overcome to succeed, I know the medication is what can help.
So now, as a full grown adult, mind you, I do not feel like it, which is actually another trait of ADHD, I am struggling to get a diagnosed.
I approached my family doctor with my self described symptoms. He was not willing to prescribe any medication without the formal documentation. I thankfully at this point, was still employed and still had extended benefits which covered a maximum of $500 for psychologist appointment(s). I was interested in the person my counsellor recommended, but his fees were high, at $1000. Although would include a full diagnosis of all, if any other mental instabilities.
Once again, the price was a little steep, but if you believe in the old additive that you pay more for more, this might be worth every penny.
I on the other had used Google and found the ad of a psychologist in my area for cheap. I was drawn in by his delightful bio that claimed he was “cheaper than a divorce and lasted longer than a martini“. Two sentences that captured my similar frame of mind. I continued to read and was reassured by all of his credentials, which includes 60 years of experience. Which in hindsight leads me to believe he must have used an old photo or that this ad was out of date.
I was weary of this Google psychologist however, I had to remind myself to meet him on my budget, and that I only need him to diagnose me with a condition I am 100% sure I already have, in order to get the medication that know I need. And that I do not need additional diagnosis of potential illnesses that have no bearing on me now. For example, I do not need to know that one day I will have onset dementia or that I am prone to bipolar-ism. I do not want to know some thing is on its way, let me enjoy my life and tackle it as it comes. However, touchwood to all the above, no one in my family has a record of any of that, Thankfully.
Although all this was moot as the Doctor never returned my email or call, and seeing as time was quickly running out I had to look to the original option. The start of school was on the horizon, the last day of work and my benefits were fast approaching, and I had a time line to stick to.
To be continued…
